Wikipedia (cat)

Here's a silly poem I wrote a few years ago. It comes with its own silly introduction. I think this is pretty much the apex of my poetical achievement, so if you're not a fan of it... well, it just goes downhill from here folks... Also, I'd love to see this turned into a music video, so if anyone with musical or artistic talent would like to collaborate on that, let me know and maybe we can make something really cool.



Just as William Carlos Williams in his monumental magnum opus tells the story of Paterson who is at once both a city and a person, just as the New Testament tells the story of Jesus who is at once both the mightiest of gods and the humblest of men, I here tell the story of Wikipedia, at once both the most comprehensive store of knoweldge ever compiled, so vast that it can only exist in digital form, and at the same time, a house cat with indigestion.

I saw him, satin white
with thin black stripes
like an encyclopedia
cat-aloguing all the frogs and snails
and their slimy trails
in my back pond.
I thought he looked so scholarly,
I called him Wikipedia.

Oh, my Wikipedia’s a horker
he horks down frogs
and then he horks ‘em up again.
oh Wikipedia what kind of soggy wad are you horking up today?

He taxonomizes
all the mice
and all their muroideaic friends.
He stalks them through the tall grass by the trees
and leaps upon them in the damp and dim lit corners
under houses.
He claps them up and snaps their necks
and snarfs them down
and neatly barfs them out in little piles,
first arranged by genus, then by species.

Oh, my Wikipedia’s a horker
he horks down rats
and then he horks ‘em up again
oh Wikipedia what kind of soggy wad are you horking up today?

He does a daily dabble
in mycology or botany.
Rubs his nose in all variety of mushroom,
rolls around in every herb and shrub and flower.
And though he’s partial to Nepetas,
rarely ever does a fungus or a plant
escape his omniphagous gaze.

Oh, my Wikipedia’s a horker
he horks down grass
and then he horks it up again
oh Wikipedia what kind of soggy wad are you horking up today?

Though I never doubt his erudicity
his professional detachment often leaves me in the cold.
When he comes home from exploration
I smile at him and pet and feed him
and long to hear just one small purr
or feel his head against my calf
or see him lift his chin for me to scratch.
But with that distinctly feline mien
he lifts his tail and turns his butt
and lets my love fall unrequutt.

Oh, my Wikipedia’s a horker
he horks my love
and never horks it back to me

Oh Wikipedia please hork some love to me,
My Wikipedia why won’t you hork some love to me?